I always knew I wanted to be a mum. Looking back, I was ready for motherhood long before my partner was, although in reality I probably wasn’t quite as ready as I thought I was at the time. I simply loved the idea of becoming a mother one day.
Our journey to falling pregnant was much longer and harder than I expected. I was diagnosed with endometriosis completely by accident after an ultrasound for a torn abdominal muscle caused by lifting something too heavy. That diagnosis felt like the beginning of an emotional rollercoaster. Suddenly, I was faced with the possibility that falling pregnant might not come easily.
Before we started trying, I had a laparoscopy and tube flush. During surgery, they discovered Stage 3 endometriosis affecting both my ovaries and bowels. I was told that following the procedure, I should have a good chance of falling pregnant within six months.
Just one month later, I fell pregnant. Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in a chemical pregnancy and miscarriage only days after my missed period. I became consumed by trying to conceive again. I tracked everything, my basal body temperature, ovulation and cycle symptoms, hoping that if I did everything perfectly, it would happen again.
As the six-month mark approached, the pressure I was putting on myself became overwhelming. Then finally, I fell pregnant again. At eight weeks pregnant, I attended an early ultrasound due to abdominal pain and light bleeding, despite my HCG levels continuing to rise. It was there that we discovered the pregnancy was ectopic and growing in my right fallopian tube.
I was sent straight to hospital as I was already internally bleeding, which explained the pain I had been experiencing. Everything happened so quickly that I barely had time to process what was happening before I was in surgery that same afternoon. I was told my fallopian tube could not be saved.
The physical recovery was hard, but emotionally it was even harder. I felt defeated, heartbroken and scared that becoming a mother might be even further away than I had imagined. Yet somehow, through all of that grief, I still held onto the belief that my baby would find their way to me.
During my recovery, I really focused on looking after myself and healing. I journaled my thoughts and emotions, attended weekly acupuncture appointments and tried to release some of the pressure I had been carrying. My ectopic pregnancy happened in November and by March I was pregnant again.
That pregnancy brought me my beautiful daughter, Sofia, who is now 18 months old. After everything we had been through, I was fortunate to have a healthy pregnancy and birth. Then, just six months postpartum, I fell pregnant again without actively trying to conceive. Our second daughter, Natalia, is now three months old.
When I look at my girls today, I know every heartbreak, setback and hurdle was worth it to bring them into the world.
