IVF Partner – What You Can Do to Help
In over eight years working with women and families going through IVF, I have never been asked by a partner, “what can I do to help”….until two weeks ago.
So I’ve had a couple of weeks to think about it and to get feedback from women going through their first, second or even fifth cycle about what they loved about what their partners have done for them and what they really didn’t need. Here are the result so far…
So I’ve had a couple of weeks to think about it and to get feedback from women going through their first, second or even fifth cycle about what they loved about what their partners have done for them and what they really didn’t need. Here are the result so far…
Things to avoid while supporting your partner through IVF
- Don’t attempt to ‘fix’ how they are feeling, just listen
- Don’t take it personally if they do not wish to have sex between transfer and the blood test – between the hormones and the increased attention (not to mention pain), don’t be surprised if sex is not their top priority
- Hormones are crazy! Don’t take anything personal said through an IVF cycle
- Don’t compare your situation to other couple’s on the internet Ways you can support your partner through IVF
- Ask what you can do to help….and do your best to help with this request
- Cook warm, nourishing food
- Serve warm, herbal teas
- Check they always have their feet covered – wearing slippers or socks for example
- Ask how they are feeling and just listen
- Be at as many appointments as you can
- On the day of the blood test, plan a date day together which occurs whether the result is positive or negative. A movie is a great way to pass time quickly
- Encourage laughter and fun
- No pressure for gifts, but a plant would be a great option – something to nurture
- Try to be informed about the process – ask if you’re unsure
- Help with calming any anxious thoughts where possible
- Lots of hugs, belly touching and positive talk aimed towards your partner’s uterus, try not be be disconnected from the physical process
I will update this list as I get more feedback. Please email me if you have anything to add. Often partners feel completely out of the loop but encourage them to be involved as much as possible.
